As we were driving home from the cast removal, I got the phone call I’ve been dreading. Duke University Medical Center calling because they have a family desiring services. As the Area Coordinator for NILMDTS I can choose to find another photographer, go myself or go with someone. After making several phone calls, I found out that I would be going alone. So, my first shoot was to be by myself.
I got some good, quick, advice from a Chapel Hill based photographer who has done two shoots for NILMDTS at UNC Chapel Hill. I packed up my black satin, some clamps, my camera, my flash and my reflector, grabbed my directions, my car keys, my purse and said a few prayers on the way, worrying mostly that I’d say something wrong or not know how to deal with the situation.
Marie, the nurse manager who contacted me originally about making Duke an affiliated hospital, met me at the entrance to the ICN floor. In this case, it was a set of twins, but one baby, Miss Charlotte, is still fighting for her life. Miss Samantha, unfortunately just couldn’t fight any longer. I was called to photograph them both, but to focus on Miss Samantha, which I did.
Walking into a room, crowded with crying family members, knowing I’m there to photograph 1/2 of a set of twins who didn’t make it is NOT an easy task. I ran with my instinct, letting the family know first who I was and then letting them know that I am a twin mom and the rule with twin moms is “once a twin mom, always a twin mom.” I don’t know if it was right of me to announce that or not, but I felt like if I didn’t, then made a comment about twins in any way, that they’d wonder, so I felt full disclosure was best. Of course as I said it, I teared up, had to regather my composure and move on.
Miss Samantha was *tiny*. When I say tiny, I mean tiny. Less than a pound kind of tiny. But she was all bundled up in a blanket and hat, in her little white dress and if you didn’t know better, you’d have thought she was 1 – a doll or 2 – asleep.
I spent about an hour with the family photographing Samantha by herself (with lots of help from Marie, thank goodness!) and with Mom, Dad, Mom & Dad and then with her sister in the ICN itself. As the hour wore on, I felt more and more at ease with what I was doing. Every once in a while I would lose that composure, especially as I’d look up to refocus and see another tear slowly falling down mom’s face. While I knew Samantha was already gone, my grief was not for her, but for the Mom & Dad who’d done their best and despite all efforts, are now faced with planning the funeral for one and hoping with all hope that their other one pulls through.
Those that know me know I can be a stoic person. But since having my own kids, lots of little things get to me. Shoot… Hallmark’s Christmas commericals will have me in tears! 😆 So I was surprised that I was able to get through the hour as composed as I was. I have to believe it was largely due to the many small prayers I made on my 1/2 hour drive up to Duke. I truly and honestly believe that I am called to do work like this, for families. God gave me a talent — the ability to see the images through the camera, the ability to understand the technology to create memories for fmailies and the drive to find ways to use it in His best interest.
This family will walk away from Duke without one of their babies. They may walk away without two of their babies. I can only hope that the photographs I have taken for them tonight will give them a *teeny tiny* bit of piece in the future.