“Why did she have to die?”
🙁 Every NILMDTS session is sad. There is no question it’s NOT a happy time. But, so far, each family I’ve worked with has had time to come to terms with their baby’s imminent, although never welcomed death. This time, there was no time.
Mary Katherine and her sister Ellie spent 35 weeks together inside their mother. Then one day, Mary Katherine died and in order to save her sister, her mom had an emergency delivery and both Mary Katherine and Ellie were brought into this world. A little early for one. A little late for the other.
Mom and Dad were NOT ready for this event. They expected, in a few weeks, that they would welcome their TWO beautiful bundles of joy into this world and enjoy a life filled with love and expectations and excitement and triumph.
Now, Ellie has an angel … one that is only hers … one that is more personal to her than to any other human in this world. Ellie has her twin sister in heaven waiting for her.
Why was this session so hard? Because the parents’ emotions were RAW and on the surface. They’d had absolutely NO time to prepare for this. As a matter of fact, MY presence was the impetus to get Mary Katherine and Ellie together one last time. *I* pushed this family to accept these photos because they WILL regret it if they didn’t have them made. *I* made sure the girls were together and *I* listened as Dad did everthing he could to prevent tears from rushing and to be strong for his wife.
Mom was cleary in shock. Before I arrived she hadn’t even SEEN Ellie. She’d never held her. I watched her hold Mary Katherine as if her life depended on it; as if she could will her to live again; as if she could turn back time. At some moments I couldn’t even click the shutter button because I knew the moment called for silence; for quiet; for a moment of peace and a bit of pretending.
When mom held both her girls together, I could see her struggle to contain herself; watched the tears drip down her cheeks and feel her stress radiate from her, her husband and into me and the nurses and support staff at the hospital.
Ellie will survive. Mom and Dad will survive. They will learn to accept Mary Katherine as an angel and use the photos I’ve created … in time … to remember her. Ellie will always have a twin, a special place in her heart; perhaps one that is missing.
Everything I finish a twin session like this I think about my friends’ twins Ronan and Julia and I remember how many times I worried that I’d have to provide this service for them and my prayers would be even stronger because I just didn’t think I could handle that; that there was no way I could face my friends should that happen. I would have been there, but now when I look at them and the progress they’ve made I am ever so thankful they were “the lucky ones”.
Mary Katherine wasn’t. There is absolutely NOTHING anyone could have done. But we will remember her.
Forever.